WHAT THE HELL I WAS THINKING!!!

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

As a kid it is natural for everyone to have doubts in mind.  The very inquisitive nature make them question and explore.  I am sure to get hands down on this one 🙂  Still don’t believe me?   Ask your parents how inquisitive you were or better observe kids around.  I am sure you would get your answer.

So as a kid (when I was younger than 10 years) I still remember my mind was a house to n-number of doubts and thoughts that were funny at the face value which I realised later and thought “What the hell I was thinking?”.  Let me give you a glimpse of doubts that once popped up in my mind:

  • Buffalo/cow inside the machine:  Yes, you read it right.  Just like the vending machines for soft drinks we used to have vending machines for milk as well.  Those in Delhi would understand instantly…

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Marriage be like….

Hi Everyone,

This is my second article with the Concept of “Marriage” taking the centre stage.  In my previous write-up “Marriage Never An Achievement”( https://world4womencom.wordpress.com/2017/02/22/marriage-never-an-achievement/) I upheld an opinion that marriage shall never be deemed as an achievement irrespective of gender.   I still propagate the same idea.  Marriage of a person shall be solely his or her choice and call and not a forced decision of the social circle which we call “Society”.

But once you have taken the plunge it is your responsibility to make this relationship a successful one, I mean “A Happy Marriage”.  And when I am saying “Your” it refers to both the parties – wife & husband – the respective “You”s.  So how to make it work?

As I was struggling to get an idea about what shall I write I came across a regional (Telugu – Indian language) movie about an old couple – Midhunam which means the relationship of a couple.  Beautiful isn’t it?  Do watch it.

Few minutes into the movie you would know it’s not a fantasy tossed up randomly in the writer’s mind but something that has been brewing and dwelling in front of our eyes over the years – our parents, grandparents,  uncles & aunts and every married couple who is in head over heels in love for lifetime.

How does the word “Love”make sense to such couples whom we have seen fighting over the years for petty issues?  Good question.  I would like to ask you, How do you define love?  Is it about the Valentine day celebrations, roses, expensive gifts, holidaying in posh locales and all the gloss that we have been fed over the years in our movies?   Certainly not.   And we know it well. At first place the word “Love” can not be defined precisely. But still if it is to be explained by a set of words, I would say : A feeling in human heart that makes it accept flaws with equal ease / benevolence just as with good qualities.  And this is the only thing that makes a marriage work.  Love is caring for the person despite of the fact that you had a fight with the same person last night.  It’s pretty simple, isn’t it?

What exactly my point is:

  • Winning never matter always:  Arguments and Marriage are like sea-shore and sand – inseparable, period.  Doesn’t matter if you knew your partner years before the D-Day or married to a complete stranger, arguments do creep in because two different personalities two different opinions and it could be as simple thing as the brand of a toothpaste.   But arguments shall be made only to put a point across and not necessarily to win because such volley of words aiming to win over the other might result into irreversible damages.  Words are pretty powerful, we all know it.  Discussions (controlled arguments)  are always welcome as they would ensure you are heard and it is what that really matters.
  • Respect is the key:  No love (read romance) is still okay (I don’t support it wholeheartedly though)  But no respect is harmful to the relationship of marriage.  It is the respect shown by your partner that builds up your confidence.  Respect the care they show, appreciate the efforts they put in to see you happy, encourage them to do something they are interested in to see them happy.  These are petty steps that could make journey called marriage reach the destination of “Happy Married Life”.
  • Accept the flaws:  No human is perfect – we know it well.  But why we fail to recollect the same while judging the other person (read our better half).  Why be judgemental at the first place?  When you are angry at your partner and think “that’s it, let’s call it quits” first thing you need to do is check yourself and ask “Why?  Is it lack of love or presence of flaws?  First reason still makes a sense but if you opt for the latter then the questionnaire is going to be long.  If yours is true / pure love then you will be matured enough to look beyond those flaws in personality  (not in character).  And then question yourself “Am I flawless?”  This would surely give you enough reasons to be together.
  • No secrets:  This one is the most important ingredient for any healthy and happy relationship,  it could be marriage too.  When I say “secrets” it’s not about the petty amount that wife have been saving secretly or a cigarette that was lit in the back yard without wife’s knowledge.  It’s about respective past and present involving them and others (be it friends or family).  Nothing should be password guarded between a wife and a husband, period!
  • Don’t test the elasticity of relationship:  Never ever stretch and blow an issue out of proportion. Well what’s the right proportion is subjective.  We will try to evade that for now.  If you are upset with your partner he or she shall be the first person to know it.  Letting ego creep in, involving others (family / friends) in personal issues and let them drive your decisions could probably do an irrevocable damage to the relationship.  Speak out if you have it in your mind, resting it for the time being will add up to the future tension.  Emptying and erasing is important.

I am married for seven years now and want to grow old with my partner.  Mutual respect and understanding is the key, fights are an integral part of institution called marriage, sleeping over fights could be dangerous and ego is surely destructive – this is my lesson.  What’s yours?

 

 

 

 

BRAND – COULD BE DECEIVING; BRANDING – FATAL

Candles Online

Hi Everyone,

There is a tech savvy, competitive,  fast paced world out there.  To add to the list its a brand loving world.  Don’t believe me?   I saw a movie in the recent past where a gang of girls after being conned by a con man decided to go after him and get him (referring this example purely coincidence not because of women’s day😁).  They purchased products from a local market and labeled them with names of high-end “Brands” and priced them at like hundred times their original price only to resell them to the con man as a part of their plan.  So what’s the catch here : brand names could be deceiving.   That was entertainment angle 😊.  But this is what happening all around.  Let me give you another example.  When we buy vegetables from farmers we try to bargain but when we go to malls with…

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Happy Women’s Day

Hi Everyone,

Dedicated to all the unsung heroes in my life and around me – to all the wonderful women.  Yes all of you are my heroes, ladies!  Your strength,  resilience,  patience, love, vision (and I can go on) are assets to the world.  No amount of praise is enough to let you know how much I adore and respect you:

 

You might not be a star but you light up my world;

You might be fragile but you give strength to me;

You might not be holding a position in bureau but for me you are at zenith;

You might be breaking apart but always mended the differences to knit the family;

You might not have travelled the world but know enough about the world around;

You might be technically less aware but you know the technique of keeping others happy;

You might be busy in bracing yourself to make life perfect for everyone else but I want to let you know that I Love You for what “You” are.

You are You!  Cherish it because no one else could be “YOU”.  Happy Women’s Day lovely ladies.

 

 

 

 

 

Still There

Hi Everyone,

The echo of silent prayers that were never heard is still there;

Lying beneath the far stretched sky, behind trail of every shooting star tales of my love for you are still there;

Holding your hand and walking distances, warmth of your touch is still there;

Under the layers of turmoil of life, freshness of memories which were once moments is still there;

Time never stopped,  so does the tears dampening the pillows, pain in the heart is still there;

Destinations have changed so are the ways but I am still stuck at the same turn where you have left me, so the wait is still there;

Before giving up my tryst with life, before succumbing to the inevitable my eyes would long to see you because desire is still there.

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Desire

 

Time do change

 

Hi Everyone,

2017-02-26-00-44-59

This is a view from my window.  I could have taken a picture and posted it but wanted to give my fingers a little artistic exercise.   Hope it turned out good though miles away from the details of original scenery ☺.

It’s just a small passage but seems different to me with every changing season.  Winters are blank with snow laden branches and stairs whereas autumn is grey with leaves leaving their abode and taking shelter on ground.  Spring and summers – sun adds to the colour of the sky as well as kisses each and every nook and corner of this petty corner facing my window thus giving it a picturesque beauty.  To put it simply there’s an entire palate of colours – white, grey,  black, lush green, golden-yellow, soothing orange, lively blue and so on.  Changing colours of this petty passage gave me an important message of life – Time do change.

Just because leaves were shed from branches, a tree doesn’t uproot itself from the ground.   It  waits patiently for the kiss of sun rays that is due in spring.  And when that happens the tree knows that its time has changed.  Similarly few people trend that passage during winters but summers witness a constant flow of people especially parents accompanying their kids taking that passage.  It simply means time has changed.

Time changes – it is true for everyone.   We may be encountering lonely and rough phases and engulfed with sorrows but hope and patience would see us through.   On the other hand when in happiness one should never forget to keep allowances for bad time which is as unexpected as a guest.

I cannot draw the curtains forever because the sky outside my window is grey and breeds gloom in me.  Time would come soon when I would let the windows wide open to let in the whip of fresh air.

There’s a beautiful line from a pathetic movie 😁 that everyone must keep in mind:

Good thing about a bad time is that it ends;  Bad thing about a good time is that it ends too.

I strongly believe that no smile is permanent and no frown is forever.  But these things will ensure everlasting peace of mind :

  • Hope in God
  • Patience
  • Humble tone
  • Love fellow being.

Marriage-Never an achievement

Hi Everyone,

Till date I remember an advertisement which I saw as a kid.  It was a company selling a life insurance policy and the probable uses to which the policy amount could be put – if it is son then his education will be financed and if it is daughter  then her marriage would be funded with that .   It didn’t struck me at that time though.  Why marriage is the obvious destination or goal for daughters?  As I grew up I came across many instances be it in media or be it in real life around me where girls were raised with a constant fear of “be good to get married”.   What “Good” is being referred here?

“Good” acquires an altogether a new definition when associated with a girl.  “Good” here means a girl who can cook, do daily chores in a jiffy,  never raises voice or question,  and most importantly is good-looking (read fair).  Education as a criteria still comes later.  If a girl is not good in studies the immediate expected reaction would be “get her married”.  Not even for a second parents or the guardians think she could possibly have an alternate interest other than marriage, sorry , I mean academics.  Isn’t that irksome?    Even if she is educated and highly qualified her destination is destined to be “change in family name”.  It is still hard for a majority section of the society to imagine a woman in the driver’s seat of her own life.

Twist in the tale: It is quite amazing that not only girls are targeted by societal pressure on the issue called marriage.  Boys have it too, believe me it’s true.  By the time they start earning “when will you settle down?”, “your friends already are getting married and few have kids too”, “grandmother or grandfather’s only wish is to see you get married ” are few questions and phrases that do rounds and haunt boys too.

Thy good neighbour?  Be it a boy or girl, neighbours have immense interest in their personal choices.  Once they cross 25 years mark suddenly “emergency ” pedal is stepped upon.  “Get married before it is too late”, “every occasion has a right time, it shouldn’t be surpassed “.  And at 30th mark depression starts pouring in.  Despite of all other achievements in life a single person is almost a gone case just because he or she is not married.  It is truly a pitiable situation because your age to marry is decided by everyone else other than you.

If this was not enough desperate efforts are put in to make a marriage work.  I don’t support fallout of a marriage because differences between two different persons and personalities is bound to happen but I simply don’t get the stubbornness to make it work despite of evident abuse – physical, mental and emotionally.   And the worst part is a question and fear constantly hovering around “what would people say?”

It gives me immense pleasure to know few people from my circle who have clearly prioritized their goals and marriage is not the prime one.  And more importantly they are being supported by their families.  My friends are doing well career wise and most importantly happy which makes the perfect sense.  But the sad part is that it is just a tip of an iceberg.   Still there is a huge crowd there that projects marriage as the sole goal and achievement in life.  For few it is a cash point (read dowry), for few it is a way to get rid of burden (this is how a girl child is looked upon, changing though but not yet changed), for few it is an impulsive action.

Marriage – by every description in every religion is very sacred hence should be a thoughtful decision of one’s life, not a business, not a formality and never under pressure.   Parents should stop talking about marriage as an achievement in life.  I mean they should  stop threatening their kids with words like “if you don’t pay attention to your looks you won’t get married”, “if you question a lot you won’t get married”, “don’t tell anyone that you have been abused no one will marry you”, ” don’t let them know that you do sleep walk you won’t get married” and so on.

It is just a part of it and there’s much more to life.  Just Relax! Because your neighbourhood is not the world and world doesn’t have time to care about your child’s marriage.  Let them live.

 

2 better than 1

Hi Everyone,

I am back from sabbatical of one month.  Was in India to attend my brother’s wedding.   I missed this platform the most, all those views,  likes and comments to say the least 😊.

Coming back to the title “2 better than 1”, before you indulge your brain in any guess-work and think that I am going to throw light on numerology or other such fields let me clarify that my focus is only on “Second” child – why not have one?

Complete Family portrait:  When we talk about a “complete  family picture ” it is more or less a norm that we are referring to four members – father, mother and rest is for you to decide 😉.

Don’t worry, you will do fine :  Well apprehensive approach of couples is quite understandable when it is about their first child but  with a second child in the picture apprehensions take a back seat if not off the ride completely as they already are “parents”.  And once parents, they have already acquired the useful tips of childcare though every child is different but knowledge gained is never a waste, I can bet my life on that as I am a mother of two.

Sharing and Caring:  A sibling at home goes a long way in imparting important values of sharing and caring.  As siblings grow together they develop an emotional  bond (apart from blood ties).  A Child’s best friend @ home for life is sibling.  Between them they share not only commodities but their turmoil, secrets, laughter and much more.  Adjustment and compromise come to them little more easily.  A child must have a sibling because there are many things in life that a child might not be able to share and discuss with parents or anyone else outside even with friends then only a sibling can be his or her confide.

A big family tree:  I have many uncles, aunts, cousins – first and so on.  I am sure most of us have many linear and non linear (read very confusing, extended branches of a family tree)  relationships and sky is the limit for fun when a family gathers under one roof, isn’t it?   Now just imagine a scenario where our precedents had just one offspring each, would that family gathering be so huge then?  Or will there be a gathering at first place?  Having more than one kid only helps in spreading the branches of a family tree, will help our kids understand relationship values better.

Well, having one or two kids is a personal prerogative.   By no means I want to demean the “single”child families because all said and done no one else knows the circumstances of the family than the family itself  .  But as they say two is always better than one having a second child fills home with more laughter, more fights 😉 too, more love and of course more memories 😊.

 

 

 

ARE THE POLICIES LEAVING AN IMPACT?

Candles Online

Hi Everyone,

How are you doing?  Are you enjoying the winters or despising it?  Well, I had my share of cursing the weather when I was in Brussels.  It was grey and gloomy back there and worse thing is we have it for a greater part of the year😟.  Now I am in Delhi, enjoying “dilli ki sardi”.  India has always been colorful and winters have a different charm.  Aroma of delicacies traveling all the way from kitchen when you are in a place just next to heaven i.e. under your quilt, pure ecstasy !  And hot lip smacking street food has always been Delhi’s speciality.  Golden rays of sun filtering through the green leaves wishing you in the front yard of the house (Okay, make it balconies as yards are not seen everywhere in cities) along with the ever inquisitive and more than friends neighbours is a fun of…

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If mirror could speak the truth

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I was in 4th grade when I  read the story of “Snow White “.  Beautiful story, isn’t it?   Every character is still fresh in my mind.  There was a step mother character who was evil and lived with the only intention of harming her step daughter and the central character “Snow White”.  And along with this evil intention she had an obsession of talking to mirror and expecting an answer pacifying her false notion of being very beautiful, in fact the most beautiful. “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s beautiful of them all” she used to question her magic mirror.  But the answer that her mirror gave made her go green with envy.  Answer was “Snow White” and the drama unfolds.

But I wonder what if the question was the other way round “who is the ugliest?” Or even better if the mirror could speak the truth.  That wicked queen might have amended her ways then.

Well, isn’t it an interesting thought to introspect “what if the mirror could speak the truth?” What if it could show the real “US”.

As a part of human tendency very conveniently we pass judgements on others. “She is shrewd”, “he is rude”, “a very boring personality”, “dumb”, “irritating” and every possible adjective you could think of.   But one thing we always forget – if our one finger points out at other, rest of the three-point at us.  Which simply means before we judge others we should think once “what we are/ how we are as a person”.

So next time before we brand a person we shall ask our mirror to show the real we, what say?