PARENTING – LOVING SANS DISCIPLINING, NOT DONE!

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I think it was in the month of October,  and one of the Saturdays, after dropping our son at swimming pool we took our daughter to park as we had to anyways wait for an hour for him to return. We went to the park and my daughter was having a good time there and it was time to go. So she hardly spent half an hour there and was very reluctant to go for obvious reasons. She was adamant, holding her feet back and we literally had to force her out of the park. She was screaming loudly which was embarrassing. And this situation led to heated arguments between parents (inevitable), I can laugh it off now but that moment was something different. I doubted my parenting, where am I going wrong in bringing up my children”, “why she behaved that way”, “Am I a bad mother that…

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BULLYING – LET’S SEARCH THE TIPPING POINT TO STOP IT!

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“Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual”.

Bullying”  term often passed off as “just kidding” is a fatal catalyst that could trigger something as catastrophic as “Suicide ” and I am not “kidding” about it.

Let us see few statistics (source: hail google)

  • Suicide is the third leading cause of deathamong young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC.
  • For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.

For past few days I have been reading some horrific incidents about how kids mostly in their teens took their lives when cornered by bullies.  That really shook me. I was…

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Let Us Celebrate Ourselves

NOTE: Don’t be under impression that I am not writing these days.  I am constantly busy scribbling notes for my kids 😁.

Its been an elongated period of festivals and celebrations – veneration, delicacies, get- together, dressing up and what not. Festivals have always been an amalgamation of the aforesaid and also an integral part of our culture and lives.  They bring in excitement and joy.  Mere mention of festivals is enough to get us on our toes, isn’t it?

Why we should celebrate festivals?  To put it simply, we should celebrate to keep our culture alive and to pass on the baton of our traditions to our offsprings. It’s our responsibility to hold on to our identity of ethnicity along with being ethical.  Our distance from the core (our motherland) shouldn’t impact our enthusiasm to celebrate our festivals for we are the sole point of information as far as our roots are concerned for our kids. Our negligence will only deport them far away from our culture / roots.  And it’s not just about the culture or traditions, our festivals have a scientific purpose backing them.  Few petty examples: Fasting helps to detoxify our body, so our festivals on regular intervals have fasting as an important ritual; Eating tender leaves/flowers of Margo (Neem) on the occasion of Ugadi /Gudi padwa acts as medicine for our body; Toran (an array of mango leaves and marigold flowers) across the main door is not a piece of decoration but it purifies air.  It’s not even close to tip of an iceberg, can you imagine the base then 😁?

Festivals and Economy (let’s call it business): Celebration for one is a cash point for the other whom we call businessmen and festivals do bring boom to the economy. In nutshell Full Baskets : Full Pockets (directly proportionate 😁). Don’t want to dig further when it means happiness for everyone.

How we should celebrate festivals?  Do celebrations mean all glitter /glam / pomp and no substance? I beg to differ big time. One of the most beautiful message that I have come across off late on my family group:

SATYUG: Fight was between two different worlds.

TRETAYUG: Fight was between two different countries.

DWAPARAYUG:  Fight was between two groups within the family.

KALAYUG: Fight is raging in oneself.

Though the fight was always between “Righteous” and “Evil” the distance constantly narrowed down till it assimilated into one soul / person . Today we are witnessing a war within between  the Right and the Wrong. And the true celebration will be when the righteousness conquers the negativity.

So how the question is how to Celebrate Ourselves? We simply have to inculcate these trivial habits that hold an impact of humongous magnitude meant for achievement of higher objective called “Paripurnatah” (Completeness):

  • Think Big: No, you don’t have to launch a satellite into Mars orbit or appear on Forbes (nothing wrong or no harm though in doing so 😂).  Thinking Big means getting over or not giving importance to insignificant matters like “she didn’t call me”, “he didn’t greet me”, “I was not personally invited” and a never ending list of silly issues which when allowed to settle in our thoughts could first assume the shape of a grudge, if left untreated can acquire the status of bias that could later transform into an epidemic called Anger that finally leads to the destruction of our ability to think clearly.  Try to cross this bridge of ME to WE, inculcate Empathy,  you will have a new picture to look at. Give it a try.
  • Acceptance is the key: Let’s be fair to ourselves. We all are very well aware of our shortcomings/ flaws in our characters or personality.  I am an inexcusable lethargy personified. But despite of knowing my weakness I am doing nothing except giving excuses whenever I fail delivering.  The other person might buy my excuses but deep down my heart I know the truth. I must act on it to make a better person and who knows better prospects too.  So acceptance is the key so much so the initiative after the acceptance.  We are very much averse to the idea that “we could be faulty” and hence no repair is done 😔.
  • Steer clear of negativity:  Perhaps the most important cog in the wheel driving us to attain the meaning of being “US”.  Any word or person who eventually makes you don the hat of a judge and you end up judging and criticizing others; fills you with hatred, jealousy and a false impression of being superior – you should severe the ties immediately or at least avoid them. The more you talk (there’s a difference between talking and thinking) about others the less you pay attention to your ways.  Most importantly blabbering about others or giving importance to such trash means that we have nothing good to do, we are idle so is our brain.
  • Be always thankful:  Don’t complain about the lack of vacations or designer wardrobe just because you saw your friend having one on Facebook.  You can’t fathom what lies behind those glossy pictures(I agree it was a heavy melodramatic dialogue 😁). To say the least we should always be thankful to God for what we have today, our sulking is only taking away the joy out of our lives. “Content” is the need of the hour. Remember someone somewhere might be struggling and praying hard to secure a square meal for a day, are we doing that bad? It seems pretty clichéd but makes sense pretty strong.
  • A good company:  Books, words of great people/Saints (it’s strictly spiritual,  nothing religious), people full of wisdom – this is a must for every soul. Words that encourage the change in the way you look at things or life; that enrich and enlighten the soul; that puts the turmoil and stir at rest and brings in tranquillity; that could leave you happy from within without the aid of any materialistic possession – this is what really matters. A good company is the one that could help us resolve all the issues mentioned before. Do you have one? I am fortunate to have many by my side😊.  And spending time alone with deep introspection is nothing less than a company, a good one indeed!

 

It’s definitely food for thought, isn’t it – are our celebrations superficial, can we add to the grace of these festivals by celebrating ourselves? Think about it.

 

 

 

IF THEY CAN’T BE SMART, YOU HAVE TO BE SENSIBLE

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Why are you so obsessed about photographs?” asks my irked husband whenever I ask him to click me (only on occasions called festivals).  And I am ever ready with my taunts “why not? My sister, my sister-in-law, my friends – everyone gets clicked, and not just once but hundreds of trial and error shots, I only ask you once but you have a problem with everything I request (command, let’s leave it 😁)” and it depends on mood swings of the other party whether  to continue the taunt parade or call it quits. But the fact is he and me, both of us know why I want to squeeze in the memory of phone storage, simple! only to display the best one on FB 😂😂  and to count the likes and comments ensuing.  And I admit that I am guilty of liking to be “liked“.

I…

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I AM IN THE SPOTLIGHT – Kalpana

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Avinash’s Questionnaire

1. What does life mean to you?

I don’t want to sound too preachy by quoting lines like “life is a book, read it”; “life is a journey, finish it” blah blah blah ( a secret: I used these lines while learning MS Office for practising fonts 😁).  To put it straightforward life can never be defined by a set of words, at least by me. It is only meant to live and register your experiences at every step.

2. What matters the most in life for you?

Happiness, as it makes life worthy of living.  I strongly believe in the concept of “sarvejana sukhino bhavantu” which means “everyone should be happy“.  Everyone includes my immediate family, my neighbours, fellow countrymen and so on. For we are social animals and can’t lead a peaceful life in solitude when others around us are unhappy, period!

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COME WALK IN MY SHOES FOR ONCE!

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Waiter: How would you like your coffee, Ma’am?

Me: With kids tucked in their beds.

And the next scene, waiter scratching his head, “What does that mean?” 🤔.

Ok, that was just an exaggeration, nothing of that sort has happened so far.  But trust me parenting is never an easy job. And unlike any other job it doesn’t come with a manual.  So the foot is always on the pressure pedal.  From healthy eating habits to good etiquette; from studies to extracurricular activities; from explaining them about their bodies to respecting their privacies  – we have much more to look after and we can’t  take up fancied portfolios as per our ease.  I repeat parenting isn’t easy!

And the pressure of parenting a child with special needs is altogether a different ball game. Ask me!

In the year 2014 when it was finally established that…

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SUNBEAMS AT SUNSET – IV

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A shadow crossed Raman’s face. Even now remembering the past brought back the now familiar guilt and pain. He looked at the expectant face of Mrs Lal. She was looking forward to a nice chit-chat. This kind of tete-a-tete had become very uncommon in their life as they didn’t have many visitors these days.

Let’s just say “I was not there for my granny when. She needed me the most.” “What happened Raman?” Mrs Lal asked in a concerned voice. Raman went back into his past. “My parents were both successful lawyers. They were a part of a very big law firm. As they were usually busy with their careers. My childhood was spent mostly with my grandma. She was always there with me when I came back from school, when I won my first athletics trophy, when I was studying hard for my exams. I could…

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SUNBEAMS AT SUNSET – III

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“I must say, you haven’t forgotten the recipe for the best tea!” Sudha said.

“And I hope I never forget that!” Dr. Lal said with a laugh as he stood up, clearing the dishes.

They both laughed out loud together. The couple has been doing these laughter sessions quite often. Dr. Lal wanted to make sure that Sudha doesn’t get into depression due to her ill-health and thinking about their children. Sudha also wanted to keep her husband happy because he had lost his life savings- their children.

“Don’t stretch yourself to make a scrumptious dinner. Just make curry-rice.” Sudha said.

“I know you are jealous of my culinary skills.” Dr. Lal winked at her and said,” I know dear, just don’t worry.”

He switched on the TV for her favourite show “Taarak Mehta Ka Oolta Chashmah” and went to the kitchen. Sudha loved watching the serial, even the repeat…

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SUNBEAMS AT SUNSET – II

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Dr Mohan Lal gave Mr Raman Murthy an invitation to come over at 7 in the evening, as they ate early, and saw the visitor to the door after which he swiftly went in to see to his wife.

Were you talking to someone?“, asked Mrs Sudha Lal who sat propped up against her queen-sized bed’s backrest. She had salt and pepper hair that were tied in a bun at the nape of her neck and bright brown eyes. One look at her told she must have been a vista in her youth. She welcomed her husband with a warm smile, and her whole face lit up, the years sat lightly on her, making her look younger than her 70 yrs.

Dr Lal beamed at her and wished her ‘Good Morning‘ as he sat on his side of the bed.

Yes, we had a visitor…

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