We have numerous researched posts on various platforms as to how one shall prepare for job interviews to crack them successfully. But I really wonder what if someone answers interview honestly, like if their inner voice can be heard.
** This is not a generalisation and just a satirical take**
Interviewer: Tell us about yourself.
Applicant: My CV is self-explanatory about the “Self” you want to know and the “Self ” not mentioned there is irrelevant to this discussion unless you want to hangout with me after office hours and discussions doesn’t include PPT and excel sheets.
Interviewer: So what is your motivation to apply for this job?
Applicant: Well tags like “Unemployed” , ” Useless “, “burden” and many more following the suit made me desperate rather than motivate. So I am here!
Interviewer: Tell us about your previous job.
Applicant: Slogging and working as an ass were the crucial roles of my previous job. Do I need say enough after decorating them with rosy and glossy words in my CV?
Interviewer: So why did you leave your previous job?
Applicant: Well, I was on the verge of being fired so I kicked the ball first before it’s in their court and they kick me instead. But the company’s accusation was completely baseless and I can contest it on any day. They accused me of mixing my personal life with professional and failing to deliver there of. But the fact is that there was no personal life left. Life was dangling between customer satisfaction and targets which are never best companions standing on same ground.
Interviewer: Tell us what do you know about our company?
Applicant: As much as you have mentioned on your website that I have mugged up minutes before entering this room. And frankly speaking how much does it matter.
interviewer: So where do you see yourself in next five years?
Applicant: That depends what matters to you the most – talent & know-how of work or talent & know-how of maintaining PR.
Interviewer: What are your salary expectations?
Applicant: That’s an interesting but futile question. No matter what our expectations are you must be having a figure predetermined reducing this question to just a routine. But since you have asked this I want to say that my salary should make sense rather than me struggling to pay my nominal bills at the end of every month.
Interviewer: When can you join?
Applicant: Well my bank statements urge me to take on the “Mission Of Survival” immediately so can I have the letter of appointment?
Interviewer: We will let you know soon.
Applicant: Are you Sure? Your expressions don’t match your words. I got my answer but still I will wait as there’s nothing better I have to or can do.
**Disclaimer: Taking it seriously can be injurious to your careers’s health**
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