No Pain Left…


Staring at the vast stretch of blank sky, I found the same emptiness dwelling deep within me;

Not batting an eyelid as the ambers burnt incessantly, leaving behind smoke engulfing my soul;

The rain drenched me to the extent of rot and the sun parched me to the extent of lifelessness;

No breeze could caress my heart, no rainbow could soothe my sight for there is no pain left either.

Amidst the cacophony of voices defining and defying me, I chose obscurity as my companion for I fear being identified;

As the echoes from the past are still eloquent in my ears, I chose to strangulate my opinions for I no longer wish to be heard;

Eternities passed by me as I longed for the solace of appreciation, I chose to embrace the earth beneath for I no longer seek;

Celebration of ironies and hypocrisies triumphed over acceptance, I chose defeat gleefully for there is no pain left either.

Crushed by expectations, my hopes fluttered in the cage as my dreams battled for their existence and breathed their last;

My knees trembled as the ground of reality kept slipping away and the broken arms struggled to keep up the burden of charades;

Making my way through the corpses of relationships, odour suffocated me as the ghosts of formalities pinned me down;

The line of difference between compassion and pretense blurred, as I lie cold in tatters with my heart charred, there is no pain left.

Between The Journey And The Destination


A road through rocks, watercolor painting – Kalpana Vogeti

Originally posted on Candles Online

Marooned amidst the desert of nothingness,
surrounded by the mountains of despair,
the traveler’s intellect summoned him the ultimatum.
“Your journey has come to an end,
take this cloak of melancholy and drape yourself,
let the crown of failure adorn you
as you put a halt to your momentum”.

Saddled by the burden of his dereliction,
the traveler turned into the sediment of brunt hopes
whose dreams dissipated and poured down stony eyes
touching his parched lips,
He was exhausted and slipped into a deep slumber,
believing it to be the end of his ordeals.
But soon his thirst beseeched him
to look out for a potion to sip.

He rose from the heap of his molten & mangled desires
to quench his thirst and reinstate his trudge.
In the darkness of ignorance, he sensed fear Again,
fear of losing- not life but existence,
He ran incessantly, tearing apart the clutter of notions
that chained and suffocated his soul for a long time.
He reached an untrodden path, with a panting breath
he had to choose between quitting and deliverance.

He stared at the path,
cut through the rigid rocks of pessimism,
it gleamed in the light of knowledge and was enticing him
to pick up his crutches of will and action and recommence his stride,
He held his trembling heart and spoke to his upset intellect
“let me try one more time, let me search for the victory,
I might not reach my destination, but let me glide through
this journey with a sense of pride.”

************************************

Did the traveler reach his destination? Did he fall into the potholes of vices? Did the bondages of self-doubt imprison him again? Was he able to quench his thirst? Was his thirst solely his materialistic desire or it was a dawn of realization? Questions still need an answer but nevertheless, this story is about the road that initiated the journey!!!!

One More Time…


The bird of hope fluttered high and was dashed strongly with disappointment. Bruised and hurt, everyone expected it to give up, but it said “just hurt, not broken yet, let me try One More Time”.

It soared high again, hiding its pain under the wings of smile. Thunder of failure burnt its wings, making it crash to the depths of despair and doom. But it said, “just broken, not dead yet, let me try One More Time”.

It kept looking at the skies, marred by the dark clouds of pessimism yet searching for the silver lining to guide its way. In its longing, breath eluded its body and it said “just dying, not finished yet, I will find you again & try One More Time”.

**A page from every success story where every hurdle became a stepping stone, every failure became a lesson future reference, every insult became fuel to “try One More Time”.

Buzz Of Failure


Completely rattled by a relentless commotion,

I looked around to ascertain the origin of this motion.

More I dug deep and looked around, more I felt disappointed,

For there’s only a vacuum sucking me in and left me disoriented.

There’s a myriad of reasons to be celebrated with glee,

Also there’s despair marking it’s presence, lurking around rearing to engulf me.

I ran incessantly to escape the deafening roar chasing my existence,

Only to find the horizons closing on me, throttling every trivial glimmer of resistance.

I clasped my hands to hold on to a cover to shut off that nerve wracking noise,

I believed that shore is finally in reach, so is my sanity and poise.

But truth finally dawned upon me, it was the cry of pain emanating from the heart,

A barrage of piled up emotions that sedimented for ages now determined to tear me apart.

I realized for long I have been walking without moving an inch,

ache of being rejected, failing, falling is making it’s voice felt now with a pinch.

Nothing achieved so far , not sure of any success in future,

Its the buzz of questions that I posed to myself – how long like this, would I be able to provide my broken soul any suture?

For the moment I am standing at a juncture fighting demons within that eloquently pronounced me a failure,

Aware of the fact yet oblivious to the outcome, the only choice I am left with is to either give up or go down fighting as a gladiator.

The buzz of failure from within is the worst enemy one can deal,

It could cripple the courage, hurt the senses and butcher the individuality beyond heal.

I am listening to that buzz of failure…….

Change The Way You See Me


woman-nature

Dear Society,

You see me as tears, saga of a broken beaten self. But I am a rain drop that has many rainbows hidden in its embrace.

You see me as dust that can be swept under the carpet of your fallacious ego. But I am the earth from whose lap life emanates.

You see me as a heap of leaves that lie shuddering and withered on ground, awaiting for the spring to arrive. But I am the wind that drape seasons and facilitate change.

You see me just as glitter and bling of a shimmery costume that you can discard at will. But I am the fire that holds warmth, brilliance and blaze.

You see me as a fragile bird that you can keep shackled in the cage of restrictions. But I am the sky of dreams and aspirations beyond your comprehension and petty gaze.

You see me as “Just & After All” Woman, a petite body. But I am an embodiment of love, force and strength – the nature itself, an identity here to stay.

Change the way you see me is all I have to say.

From a woman proud of womanhood ❤️❤️.

You Can Do Everything Except…


Picture credit : Google

Your smile melts me,

Your pain petrifies me,

Your anger worries me,

Your embrace soothes me,

Your call awakens me,

Your progress delights me,

Your purity enchants me,

Your helplessness weakens me,

Your faith in me strengthens me,

Your sweet (not street) smartness amuses me,

You can make me smile, reel in pain, frown, worry, struggle, brave, fight.

You have gifted a rainbow of emotions to my heart which wonders if ever it would ably accommodate this treasure in that petty corner.

Today I want you to hear this once and for all:

You can do everything except to embarrass me.

(A small heartfelt note by every autism parent to their kids )

The More…..


The more I think about you, the more I want to know about you.

The more I know about you, the more I want to talk about you.

The more I talk about you, the more I want the world to listen about you.

What is so special about you that any snide directed towards you makes me uncomfortable?

Why I can’t turn oblivion to the insidious designs destined to make you fragile & vulnerable?

I questioned myself again and again the reason behind my disconsolate state.

The child in me replied “haven’t she fed you with scrumptious delicacies”

The student in me replied “haven’t she imparted you  the important lesson of Vasudaivya Kutumbakam”

The adolescent in me replied “haven’t she introduced you to the  effervescent dances of life”

The fighter spirit in me replied “haven’t she raised you with the stories of valour, which in number are equal to those of sand particles present on the sea shore”

The humanist in me replied “isn’t she the one that nurtured Gautam Buddha in her lap who remained epitome of love and peace”

The family loving person in me replied “haven’t she mothered Lord Rama to guide you in how to shoulder your responsibilities”

The righteous person in me replied “haven’t she gifted you with the epic of Lord Krishna to strengthen your belief in truth”

The ever analytical self of me replied “isn’t She the one who promised tranquillity of mind and soul haven’t and bestowed Yoga. Isn’t she the pioneer of every life science”

The explorer in me replied “haven’t she treasured the precious Vedas and Upanishads for you to unearth the real meaning of life”

The traveller in me replied “haven’t  the celestial rivers adorning her quenched thirst of your eyes, haven’t her snow clad crown  caged your gaze; haven’t the pearls of sun kissed sea bedazzled you; haven’t her lush green accessories made your heart skip a beat, haven’t the colourful celebrations of life imbedded in her soul made you dance with glee”

The patriot in me replied “how can you ever erase all these beautiful memories that you had with her”

I have innumerable answers now, leaving me more convoluted yet awestruck.

The more deeper I dig into the roots the higher I have to look to search the summit of your character.

The more I turn back the history pages the more I care for future.

The more I learn about the truth the more determined I become to dispel the darkness of lies surrounding your name.

The more vicious conspiracies turn the more I want to reveal your pious facet to restore serenity.

The more I am ready to abreast the adversities that stand at your doorsteps the more I bow down at your feet.

 I am fortunate to be born, play and grown in your lap,

I am blessed with the warmth of your embrace and wish to rest there till I turn cold.

I wish to dedicate every breath of mine in your service for I can never repay you in this life.

Jai Hind

An End To The Enigma Of Life


Picture credit: Google Images

Originally Posted On Candles Online:

I kept wandering in the pursuit of happiness that never had any definitey.

I was surrounded by the maddening chatter of desires that robbed me of my serenity.

I kept looking for flaws in others to prove my superiority.

I was an obnoxious, boisterous trumpet busy in singing laurels in self-praise, deprived of humility.

I invested myself to the extent of immersion in the worldly ties that costed me my sobriety.

I propelled higher in the skies of baseless egos and crude pride that I lost connection with the reality.

I was absorbed by the frivolous vanity of material charms that left me with insanity.

I let my greed take over my senses and I became nefarious and lost even my humanity leave aside divinity.

I was flowing with the directionless wind until I encountered – Failure, Old Age, Illness & Death – Teachers who teach everyone without disparity.

I soon yet quite lately realised that I was so far indulged in a mirage hunt that never existed even remotely.

I now stood as a silent spectator, witnessing the changing masks, perhaps the real faces – shedding down inhibitions and civility.

I was baffled at first, agitated, and finally struck by melancholy to see everything moving away from my proximity.

I crumbled down like a brittle wall and wailed hard that echoed within, digging up and unearthing the dormant soul resting under the debris of mistaken identity.

I was now bound to listen to the resonating call of my true companion that completely shook me first with remorse only to bring tranquillity.

I realised the riches I amassed throughout never comforted me, contrary to that delight dwelled in a charity that has never been my priority.

I always had a safe distance from compassion while arrogance choreographed my relations that weathered away in the face of a calamity.

I, now a solitary reaper of venomous fruits of bitter seeds of my deeds quizzed my companion to suggest a way if any that leads to liberty.

I overheard as my companion whispered to my heart “seek forgiveness and salvation from the ever compassionate Almighty”.

I was again left in the lurch ” how shall I go about seeking the ultimate one and escape from the world and its duplicity.

I was startled when a voice echoed from within “shall I call you ignorant or address as innocent? Still searching out, paying no heed to the one residing in you since eternity”.

I stood sans commotion, letting the silence speak eloquently to and within me, taking the charge of my senses for the first time in a while now and soaking in the tranquillity.

I felt the warmth of my tears drenching my barren heart as his words are aiding cultivation of compassion & righteousness that would yield the crop of wisdom, the profit of salvation, making soul opulent, and lofty.

I latched onto the light of truth, dispelled the fog of ignorance that enveloped my being, the cluster that insidiously gripped me is losing its ground, a life that seemed enigmatic is now deriving it’s meaning while rediscovering its beauty!!!

Please Understand!!!


businesswomen businesswoman interview meeting
Photo by Tim Gouw on Pexels.com

“Pink Slip” that left many employees pale.  A heart felt / heartbreaking saga of every employee who gets / got laid off in the wake of of disastrous economic turmoil making employers think only about “costs incurred” and ways to “Cut” them off:

“Spend time with us” parents urged and I said “Not now, please understand”.

 

“We need a change” wife requested and I said “Not now, please understand”.

 

“Play with us” kids pleaded and I said “Not now, please understand”.

 

“Let’s relive moments together” friends demanded and I said “Not now, please understand”.

 

“When would you live” questioned the mirror and I said “Not now, please understand”.

 

“When would you pause and relax” begged my body and I said “Not now, please understand”.

 

When appraisals and appreciation eluded time and again I said to myself “May not be now, please understand”.

 

I rallied against time only to be in time in the chase of never ending deadlines, explaining to myself “This is how it is, please understand”.

 

When you ceased to care for me in your merry moments I still stuck around as a loyal hoping that you would understand.

 

But when depression engulfed in the times of distress you chose to severe and chuck me out and asked me to “Please Understand”.

 

For you it was always a relationship of profits and dividends but for me it was a cushion to my dreams which you would never understand.

 

Now I am left with questions to answer, hunger to satiate, battles to be fought, life to be rebuilt which you would never care to understand.

 

Still I would give you a benefit of doubt as I understand the mechanism of markets but how far will this log of rules go to dictate human relationships and humanity, can anyone make me understand?

 

Has the world been reduced to just a slump of Demand and Supply theories? A balance sheet of losses and gains? Just plain black and white and nothing in between? Why is this Pink scaring me today? Can anyone please make me understand?

 

 

 

I am Bound Till….


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I am bound till the time I test the strength of last strand of bond between us. When it gives away I am free.

I am bound till the time my fingers are engulfed by even a single bleak ray of hope. When it is shut down I am free.

I am bound till the time I garner strength to carry on in this lone battle every time I falter. When weakness embraces me I am free.

I am bound till the time I care to repair and iron out the creases from our worn out relationship. When indifference sets in I am free.

I am bound till the time I choose to suffer to make you win in front of the world. When I chose to make my own victory stride I am free.

I am bound till the time I decide……

***This is applicable to everyone who is making silent contributions in their lives yet never credited sans any gender bias ****