MY SIBLINGS – MY PARTNERS IN CRIME

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

Well! I guess the title says it all.  And when you are partners in crime secrets are maintained discreetly and that goes without saying.  Don’t you all agree with that?

Walking down the memory lane I vividly remember each and every moment I shared with my brother and sister.  A fight that ensued between  them that damaged an idol breaking an arm of the same; that serious blow to my nose as a result of my brother’s alertness who thought that I would hit him and he made the first move (rather punch 😁); an instance where I was fearing the angst of my mother because of the way I fared in my exam and my brother telling me “don’t try to be holier than Pope, just tell mom that you did well today and let the results come later, who is going to tell her about your…

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TEARS CAN BE USEFUL

Candles Online

There’s an iconic dialogue in one of the Indian movie – “Pushpa, I hate tears”, this is what the protagonist says to the lady of the movie.  That actually makes me think not just twice but many times – Why?  Why hate tears? They are not that bad per say, what say?

Tears according to my understanding have their own importance in human life.  They are a strong weapon a woman possess (men say so 😉). Ok let’s not dig deeper into serious and sensitive issues of feminism and gender equality.

*Note: This is my personal take on tears and you can always have a different view-point.

I vividly remember when I was in 11th class, I along with a group of friends went for the renewal of bus pass as we started using public transport. Everyone in the group got their bus pass renewed and my turn came…

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What’s the Rush?

Hello Everyone,

When I look at the kids of this generation  (yeah I can use this word “generation” as I am already over three decades😉) I find them very smart, competitive and raring to go. Be it studies or other than that, there is always a rush.  And I have this question at back of my mind “What’s the rush?”.  Why there is a rush to win at any cost?  Why there is a rush to grow up too fast too soon?  Who is prompting it after all?  Frankly, I have no idea so whatever I am expressing here is definitely not a blame game or finger-pointing someone.

I understand it completely that competition is the norm of the day.  Excellence in studies is not enough to stand out among the crowd. “All Round ” development or excellence is the target of both parents and educational institutions.  “Zero” hour studies, “Extra / Special” classes, Extra curricular activities – few terms that are most commonly tossed upon these days. And to include the term “Extra” in the brochures educational institutions are charging extra (read: mind boggling high) fees, just to reiterate the fact or illusion for that matter that they are providing kids with an edge that could steer them through the competitive world and make them a winner.  And parents are definitely falling prey to this willingly (almost).

As parents are coughing up or made to cough up hefty donations and fees for the bright future of their kids they start expecting from their kids to “perform”.  And when expectation sets in  or rather seeps in, it changes gear and acquires the form of pressure on kids.  It’s a pretty much race like situation out there, whose kid is going to make it to the finish line that never exists.  I remember this incident from the days when I used to work as a teacher to pre-primary kids – a father of one particular student came to collect quarterly report of the child and asked me “What’s the rank of my child?”.  I was startled by this question.  I said to him that at first place there is no ranking system at that level.  Ranking (at least at that tender age) can hamper their confidence.  Our emphasis is on how a kid is learning, how he or she is behaving in the class with teachers, elders and fellow classmates. Are the glances of good behaviour and better learning can be seen out of the premises of classroom (at home) as well and more importantly how happy a child is.  As long as a child is picking up the things taught in classroom with interest and shows interest in the collaborative and other individual activities other than studies and most importantly are happy (psychologically not intimidated) we can mark the report card with “A+”.  It was just an isolated incident but I have many to recite if time permits.

This is new age mark of excellence and a guarantee card for success – Rank!  And the grind to attain ranks begins even before a child can spell his or her own name.  It’s a matter of real pity that despite of numerous explanations given n number of times as to how pressurizing could do more harm than good there’s no alarm ringing for those who are constantly pushing their kids to align in this race format.  So much pressure is encouraging methods like mugging up the content rather than soaking the subject.  Result: “Marks on report card with zero knowledge in brains”.

Carrot and Stick” rule of rewards is being strictly followed which says if you perform well then get Carrot (not literally 😀, it means rewards/ gifts) and if you fail get a Stick – get ready to be beaten up (many a times it happens literally too).  I personally feel it is okay to reward a good effort but too much negative approach if one fails could demotivate too.  There is a possibility that kids inculcate fear of failing and expect repercussions rather than perform with heart in place and mind free of fear.  I want to re-emphasise that ranks don’t guarantee success. Success is purely based on the inherent talent and how it is put to use.  I won’t repeat the names of great men and women  around who stand as icons to success but are not rank holders, that would be too clichéd.  I would rather quote people from my circle, whom I know personally.  They may not be icons to the world but are successful in their own right and of course no the rank holders – they are my school friends (hope they don’t take offence 😊), many from my relatives and so on.

It’s also important to see that when we talk about competition it’s not just restricted to books and education.  People want their kids to learn and excel in other activities too.  You may be thinking how it could be considered as something harmful.  Let us take a look at current scenario.  There is nothing wrong in letting a child pursue his or her interests.  There is nothing wrong in letting them compete or participate in events concerning their interests as long as it is only meant to boost their confidence and helps acquire more skills and not to rate their “standing” per say.  In this retrospect I would like to mention about the plethora of  reality shows which showcase kids of as young as 3 years doing stuff like dancing, acting, singing etc. in the full glare of camera eye.  Purpose – to be famous; to earn money; to assess your talent.  I condemn it wholeheartedly.  I don’t see a reason why the burden of parents’ of dreams are dumped upon tender shoulders.   It irks me to no end that kids who haven’t even started speaking properly are given dialogs that they can’t even mouth.  Believe it or not they are made to smile, laugh, play even cry for the perfect shot to be captured in camera as everything is scripted.  Isn’t it cringe worthy?  What is the rush to be popular or make them popular as if there is no tomorrow, I simply can’t understand.

There are quite a few things that parents need to understand ASAP:

  • Teach your kids to be happy at first place.  Let them grow up at their own pace.  Let them enjoy their childhood, don’t force them to grow up out-of-the-way.
  • Know the difference between literacy and education :  If a person can read and write and sign his or her name he or she is merely literate.  Education in true sense imparts values and wisdom.  Give education to your kids, that would count in the long run as it would help them to differentiate between what’s wrong and what’s right, period.
  • Let their interests blossom before you pluck the fruit.  To compete or not should be a child’s prerogative. Never ever force your decision and whims & fancies on your child.

A lot more has been said already in this context and a lot more will be said after this and the question will be same every time “what’s the rush?”.

KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR ACCOUNTS

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

“Congratulations! Credit card with a limit of 5 lakhs has been sanctioned in your name” – these sort of messages fill my mail inbox every second day.  I wonder how and why because never in my life I have applied for a credit card.  Reason – I dreadfully fear Credit Cards.  Why – As a person who has been closely associated with collections department of personal loans and credit cards I come across people who often complain about the exorbitant rate of interest that burdened them and I must say they are right.

Ok, lets talk about the positives first before discussing about how Credit Cards could hamper the balance of accounts or even the mental peace. With the advent of plastic money – Credit Cards, life has certainly become easy.  How?

  • Easy to carry.
  • No need of immediate liquid cash.
  • Status symbol : Silver, Gold, Diamond (not…

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Play Groups – More than just play

Hello,

The social setup of families in the current times is “Nuclear” – parents and kids, that’s it.  The Joint Family system is more or less dwindling away especially in the urban lifestyle.  Whatever be the reason psychological or financial;  self-imposed or otherwise the links of the joint family system are slowly de-linked and what we are left with is the single or nuclear family structures.

Mine is also a Nuclear Family in a foreign land.  With no help around, no near and dear ones around going can be tough sometimes.  I can sense it often.  Though days are busy with daily chores and kids more often than not I crave for support, emotional and otherwise.  I am sure many mothers/wives sailing in the same boat  (read living offshore) face such moments – moment of truth.  And of course we cannot call our husbands at the drop of a hat lest we end up disturbing their professional fronts.  And no matter how many times we use our Skype option to call home a void is still there because of physical distance.  And it’s not only us who fall prey to this “I am alone🙁” syndrome our kids also get impacted by the nuclear family set up and foreign domicile at least till the time they start going to school and exploring the world outside.  And this is the time they (between the age of 10 months – 3 years) befriend gadgets namely smart phones and tablets.  With parents busy in their respective duties and with no grand parents or other family members around to engage them television or phones come to their rescue.  They get this addiction  (more or less).  Such involvement also hampers their social skills along with their health beginning with their eye sight.  Sad but true.

What could be the possible solution?   How can I keep my kids engaged and entertained. Taking them to parks everyday or  just a walk outside…. one probable solution but weather in Brussels can be spoil sport many a Times.  What shall I or rather one do?

My sister-in-law once told me about playgroups that her son attends.  It’s a very good idea I thought with kids of almost same age together.   Then I started to search for playgroups in nearby areas to my place in Brussels.  I found few, in fact I am a dormant member of two playgroups on Whatsapp ☺ (never attended because of reasons known to me).  But being a member of a group on whatsapp gives me a detailed account of activities going on in playgroups and trust me it’s definitely a place to be for kids.

So as the name suggests is play group only about just play?  I would dare to say “NO”.  Playgroups are not just about play but beyond that.  Let’s see what else:

  • Break from monotony:  Though we are housewives we do have a set strict routine to follow, if you know what I mean.  Day in day out we are churned in that routine.  Playgroup meets give mothers a break, much-needed relief from the monotony.  Be it at someone’s place or outdoors such meets help refresh moods, that makes a lot of difference.  When kids meet their friends we too can make new friends for that much needed emotional support (to have fun as well😉😃) in a foreign land apart from family.
  • Develop social skills:  When kids go (before schooling begins) out and meet their counterparts again and again at regular intervals and involve in interactive activities be it learning alphabets, recitation of rhymes, colouring, playing outdoors, constructive activities etc. they develop social skills of interacting with peers and manners as well.  And the best thing is that I could think of is such meets would keep them away from mobiles and tablets at least for a considerable period of time.  Double bonanza, isn’t it?
  • Informative/ Educative:  When I say informative I don’t mean rocket sciences.  When mothers meet in a playgroup there is exchange of ideas (chatter added 😉).  Ideas as to how to inculcate habits, healthy recipes, information regarding health issues, vaccinations, schools –  you just name it, mothers know it all.  And playgroups facilitate healthy exchange of ideas helping us to better ourselves for the betterment of our kids.
  •  Potluck ( icing on cake😉):  I am not sure if it happens all the time because as I mentioned earlier I never participated in playgroup meets but I have a hint of doubt that potluck do happen.  If it does then definitely its a feast for taste buds 😋.  Well this might not be a serious point to advocate but definitely an icing on cake, isn’t it?

What I mentioned above are few instances of how playgroups could help mothers and kids equally.   I am sure those who are active participants of such playgroups would have few more points to list.  But the matter of fact is playgroups are not just about play, it definitely play and more.  I would definitley love to be actually active in those circles.

 

 

 

Meditate Your Way

Hello Everyone,

Are you down and frustrated?  Can’t hold on to things in life or have no clue of how life is shaping up?  Feel like screaming your lungs out to the irritating person in front of you just to shut him or her down but have obligation of keeping quite?

Take a deep breath and “Meditate”.  Open the doors of your brain shutting out all the negativity and letting in the positive energy, focus and channelize your energies to something more productive and something more meaningful i.e. your mental peace.  Because it’s your inner peace that could help you see more clearly both sides of an issue, take better decisions and eventually grow as a person be it on emotional front of relationships or success in profession.  Meditation should be a part of our lives which could give us “Me Time” in the otherwise hustling and bustling world around.

How to define Meditation:  To sum up simply it is detoxification of brain.

How to Meditate:  Does Meditation means sitting at one corner with crossed legs and closed eyes precisely?  I would prefer to say “No”.  For me personally it is nearly impossible to concentrate that way.   It’s not my kind of thing 😊.   One would meditate to let the agitating self mellow down, let the brain to breathe, to focus and stop worrying about literally anything and everything around.  And this is only possible if one gets the much-needed medicine of happiness, the real one.  How to attain that?  What are the  alternatives to the general idea (perception) of Meditation?  Here they are:

Gardening:   It definitely gives immense happiness to see something grow out of your fingers (now don’t take it too literally, I meant touch).  Being close to nature, getting your hands stashed with mud, sowing seeds, watering and finally see the yield – a different sense of achievement, isn’t it?  Don’t be amazed if you meet people who actually spend time talking to plants as if they are individuals and evolve along with them.  Try it yourself.

Cooking:  I am not joking because for many it is just a boring routine chore.  How can it be a way of relieving the stress?  If you cook with love (may be for yourself 😉), try to experiment ( not necessarily to please others) without feeling the pressure to meet the On-Table Demand then you can actually shut the negativity out of chimney along with the smoke.

Long Drive:  Now don’t go to fetch your mean machine from the garage (save it for your routine schedules), I am talking about your long-lost, forgotten companion – bicycle.   When was the last time you rode it?  Wasn’t it fun?  Why don’t you take it along again and spend some quality time.  Feel the whip of air on your face, sweat in your palm and emptiness in your head (I mean devoid of all the frustration and negativity).  Physical fitness + clean environment is a bonus, what say?

Put on your dancing shoes:  Shut the world out and dance.  Dance your brain out and let your hair down.  It’s a great stress buster (believe me, tried myself quite a few times).

Practice any art:  When I say “Any” I mean “Any”.  If your heart is in love with any form of art and for any reason it couldn’t be your profession well that could be the reason for your frustration  in life ( there is a possibility) but at the same time that could give you a getaway from your tensions.  Pottery or poetry whatever it is, give it a chance to escape from the wheel of monotony, release your agonies and anxities be new you!

Reading:  Well I am not an avid reader but for those who are there can never be a best companion than a good book.  Pick from the lot and switch on your “Oblivious To The World Mode“.  Just see how well it works.

These are few possible ways to beat the stress and renew your energies – my way of looking at things. Whatever activity we choose the underlying factor should be Happiness at the end of the day.

Always be happy and do share your thoughts on this.

WE EXPECTED YOU TO BE WITH US

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

“Dad please hurry up I will be late for the exam.  I think I will be totally blank when I reach my desk in the examination hall” I was literally screaming and my father pacifying me saying “nothing to worry my dear, why fear when I am here.  You will do just fine, believe in yourself” and he left me at the entrance of the examination hall.  At the desk to my horror I realised I forgot my hall ticket. “Daddy, Daddy please stop” I was shouting and sweating profusely and suddenly realised it was my dream. It’s been long since I appeared for any exam and it’s been four years since I lost my father to the dreadful cancer.  But every second day I have such visions.  Believe it or not I still feel he is around.

In the year 2011 (month of July) a heavily pregnant…

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Don Your Imagination Caps

Hello Everyone,

Let’s do this petty exercise.  Wear your “Imagination” caps (not thinking caps!).  And tell me what’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you see this picture:

20170404_183449

Don’t run after logic, don’t try to be logical.  Just let your imagination flow and tell me what it could possibly be?

You may find it is absurd and say there’s nothing meaningful in that picture.  No shape, no face, no format….. basically it is nothing.

But if we show the same picture to N number of kids we will be surprised by the N number of answers.  Because their minds are free birds.  They don’t get bogged down by the weight of making sense in everything and that is what that keeps them happy.  As they grow up we leave no stone unturned to make them “Sensible”, “logical” (which is inadvertently illogical many a times) this makes them lose their stream of imagination.  This is what happened to us and this is what we are doing to our next generation.

But I don’t completely blame anyone.   This is it and can’t be done away with. We being social animals try to trend the same path often tried and tested. Still I feel it is okay to think different from set norms or standards.  If not throughout but sometimes.

If little bit of imagination,  little day dreaming, a little bit of “Out Of The Box” thinking can spell happiness (no issues with success as well 😀) there’s no harm.

Remember imagination and creativity is not a prerogative and patented quality of artists.  We all have it.  Just unwrap it.  Indulge in nonsensical conversations yet humorous with your near and dear one’s,  get your hands dirty with colours or mud with your kids, listen to their no header – no footer stories and cook up one or two yourselves…. Just do it and see the pleasure.

Nothing is senseless in this world and you don’t have to make sense in everything. 

Do give me replies as to what do you think about this picture, I am waiting!