TAKE OFF THOSE ROSE GLASSES….

Candles Online

*Fiction with truth touching our lives

Hello Everyone,

Before going into the story I want to mention two things that were repeatedly tossing up in my mind for past two days as I was preparing to write for this week:

  • An old song :Duniya mein kitna gum hain, mera gum kitna kam hai” which translates to ‘there is so much grief in the world mine is nothing compared to it.’
  • Take off those rose glasses when you see the world, stop using magnifying glasses when you look at your own life.

Now going into the story:

I was reading the newspaper and hurried through all the headlines so as to hand it over to my brother who stood there staring at me sipping his coffee as if saying, “delay it by one more minute and you will have it from me”.  I gave the paper to him but kept…

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YOUR APPRECIATION INSPIRES ME

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

Last year my Google search terms were predominantly – blogging, money, content writing, monetizing, earn from home etc.  My financial dependence, my wish to do something productive for myself, a long hiatus from job inspired my search.  I don’t want to shy away from the fact that blogging happened in my life partly because of my effort to earn money (haven’t earned a single penny so far 😂 as my WordPress plans haven’t been upgraded yet). After a year on WordPress, I am still trying to find my foothold before taking the big leap (God knows when 😊).

And I wrote my first ever blog! I was very apprehensive about its reception. Shared it on my Facebook account and friends did find it good. There was a positive word. And not to mention, it did leave me happy.  Among many thumbs ups, I received a comment of appreciation…

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DIFFERENCES, OKAY NOT DIFFERENCE

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

*Note: Talking about marriage not compromises, love should be the essence and present, whatever be the type of marriage – Love or Arranged.

Wife to Husband: Look at that hero, how emotionally and romantically he is confessing his love to his lady-love on-screen.  How romantic he is!  You don’t love me like that, in fact you don’t love me at all😞

Husband to Wife:  Dear, he charges a whopping amount to romance his lady-love on-screen, why don’t you ask his lady at home.  After all he is just a husband there😉.

This is just a petty example of what happens in day-to-day lives of married couples.  This is where differences crop up.  Love exists but is not seen.

I have often heard elders saying differences and fights are a part and parcel of relationships.  It shows everything is normal and love is intact.  If you see a…

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Women Empowerment – What I Think

Hello Everyone,

I am very confused and unsure about what shall I write today.  Especially with a heavy weight term that I have used in the title I am searching for the right words to present my views to the T.  Trust me it’s not easy with a sensitive issue like this.  I just hope not to enrage tempers, rest is manageable 😉.  Forgive me if I am wrong somewhere.

Well this issue of “Women Empowerment” reminds of a certain advertisement endorsed by one of the leading actress of current times, below is the link, have a look:

Do share your views after you are done with this video in the comment section, I would be waiting.

When I saw this video I found it pretty shallow, out of sync at many places.  To cut it short I would say that I agree to disagree with it.  Because I believe the word “Empowerment” in reference to women especially in countries likes ours should encompass and embrace issues beyond and above sexual liberation, dressing preferences and lifestyle habits.

Empowerment What I believe To Be:

  • To begin with I strongly believe empowerment means blurring of the rigid lines of segregation of duties.  I mean it is still a predominant unwritten rule that a woman is one who takes care of household chores and a man is someone who earns bread for the family.  Over the years there is surely a transition in the workforce which saw an upward trend in the number of women working “Out” but when it comes to the question “whose responsibility a home is” the answer is still a woman without any speck of doubt.  When we are talking about empowering women it doesn’t necessarily mean role reversals between two genders but taking up roles, shifting or rotation of roles, shouldering the responsibilities equally as per the situation without egos hassling (for example “I am man” the male ego).  To cut it short – place of work shouldn’t determine the importance of a person.
  • Educating girls/ women renders empowerment.  Regression makes its presence felt more if ignorance is present.  Rights can only claimed or fought for only if they are known.  Education is a ticket to emancipation, period.  In this context educating (not mere literacy) men is also of paramount importance because ignorance of duties is also a curse.  Rights of a fellow human being are not violated when duties are discharged properly.
  • Empowerment is about recognition of skill without gender bias.  It simply means “Equal Pay” for same work irrespective of who does it.  Believe it or not inequality of income based on gender differences is an existing practice.
  • It’s about acceptance of a woman as an individual having preferences & ideas and a say instead of thrusting her with the liability of family honour.  She will take care of it naturally if she is cared for, that’s a simple logic.

Few Things I am Concerned About:

  •  Talking about Feminism and Women Empowerment is more of a trend now rather than a cause.  In that process irrelevant, in fact wrong notions / ideas are being trended in the name of empowerment.  For example:. In one of the trailer of a web series the female protagonist has been shown smoking cigarettes, drinking, having numerous relationships (read between the lines), using cuss words at the drop of a hat.   And if anyone questions her she would say “It’s my life, my ways, my choice how I want to lead it”.  I would buy this point that it’s surely her life but liberation or empowerment does not mean smoking or having one night stands.  We are of course no one to give conduct certificate to anyone but wrong is wrong irrespective of who commits it.  I mean if smoking and drinking is bad for a man how can it be a symbol of empowerment for a woman?   And an extra marital affair or multiple relationships is not morally and ethically right.  How can that be a parameter to measure how empowered a woman is?
  • We surely have a long journey ahead  as far as empowering women in true sense is concerned.  Meanwhile whatever favouritism women are entitled to enjoy in the way of different laws for their betterment are being sadly misused by few for whatever selfish motives they have.   False dowry cases, false rape or molestation charges, false domestic violence cases not only creates havoc in the life of accused but the butterfly effect that victims in true sense have is something unimaginable.  False cases registered increases the volume of cases at the hand of judiciary delaying sometimes denying justice.  Pure example of “A woman enemy of a woman”.
  • Media should select the right examples.  With social and electronic media intruding into lives like never before it is also prerogative of media to bring forth correct examples than just holding lengthy debates on women empowerment for TRPs.  Off late gossip is sold as national news.  Actresses’ Instagram posts showcasing their BOLD poses ( I don’t want to give details) are in headlines of leading newspaper websites.  And the statement that comes from the respective so-called celebrities goes like this “If you have great body flaunt it” , ” my life, my body, my wish” and many more on same lines.  One thing media should understand before publicising such things that serving details of personal life as entertainment and triggering off debates as to who is and what is right is not in good taste.  Media is simply gratifying the demand of attention of celebrities.  Media being responsible and answerable to its audience should not serve rubbish. If its motto is to contribute significantly in the construction of a healthy society for women  then it should come up with examples of people other than entertainment industry.  There are real life heroes ( I mean heroines) namely entrepreneurs, athletes, educationists, administrators, women with no designated occupational names who broke and breaking grounds of niches to make things better, positive and different for themselves and others around.  Media should look beyond handful names to effect the difference.

We have to remember that with cultural background in countries like India the task to change mindsets would be uphill.  Therefore the references, the arguments in support of sensitive issues like Women Empowerment have to be valid and more relatable to the society as a whole.  I repeat sexual liberation or how one decides to dress or otherwise should remain a personal choice (therefore be unquestionable) rather than used as a synonym for empowerment.  We have more issues to be talked about and dealt with immediately.

 

 

Had It Not Been Same?

*Fiction series # part 1

Hello Everyone,

My name is M.Swamy, working as a Client Relationship Manager in a MNC and recently shifted to Mumbai.  Finding an appropriate shelter in Mumbai is difficult than walking on water.  And even compromises doesn’t seem  to have mercy on pocket.  Anyways after toiling hard with a fair share of ordeals I did find a decent nest for myself – a small but a cosy one with amicable atmosphere around.

Soon I moved in.  It was the first Saturday after I moved in, I was relaxing after a long time – tiring weekdays and house searching marathon has taken a toll on me.  I badly needed this break.  It was 11 AM and I was leisurely sipping my coffee  while surfing channels on television.  There was knock at the door. “Might be maid, I told Watchman to send someone for petty chores and cooking” thoughts ran into my mind as I was about to open the door.  When I opened the door a man (must be in his late thirties) in neatly ironed clothes, hair partitioned to the right and a broad smile on his face said ” Hello, my name is Swamy” he introduced himself.  “Oh Swamy! I exclaimed and before I could finish my sentence he interrupted “not O.Swamy, I am M.Swamy” he tried to correct me as he couldn’t catch the break of words, this was my take on that interruption.  However I was a bit more excited which is natural when two people meet for the first time and with  same name including the initials and was about to say “Oh M.Swamy” but contained myself not be corrected again.  “Yes sir how may I help you?” I politely asked him.

“We moved in yesterday to this flat opposite to yours on this floor and thought why not get acquainted with the neighbors.  But wanted to meet you first as your name plate caught my attention” he said while his eyes were pointing towards my name plate which read “M.Swamy”.

“Oh! I nudged my head, ” I am M.Swamy, Murli Swamy,  please come in Mr… I paused as I wanted to know what M stands for in his name.

“I am Manohar” he completed my sentence as he shook hands with me.

To be continued….

WHEN IS ANGER “A SIN”?

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

Anger – an emotion, expressing disagreement exceeding the level of upset, exhibiting disgust to be precise.  This expression could be coupled with raised decibel, raised hand and even worse.

Now the question is can such an emotion be counted as Sin or can it possibly lead someone to commit sin?Well, the answer is it depends.

When Anger Is Righteous:  Everyone would agree with the fact that anger should be controlled.  But there are instances in our life where not getting angry is just unjust.  When we see weak and vulnerable getting hassled and our blood doesn’t get boiled there is a serious problem in us as a human.  When injustice is having its way we must speak against it doesn’t matter if it is our anger, because it is righteous.

Anger and Us:  When we are angry what we do?  Let me tell you my example or…

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A Disturbing Dream

Hello Everyone,

Do you dream?  Who doesn’t?  What do you dream about “generally”?  I mean there might be a certain set of dreams that you generally visualise.  My school, college, friends, examination hall, my father – they don’t seem to leave my eyes.  They make me happy, teary eyed, laugh out loud, think hours about them.

But yesterday I had a very disturbing dream that shook me completely.

What was the dream?  I was travelling in a bus.  There was a man who was sitting behind my seat.  He was doing some obnoxious stuff, passing lewd comments at women in the bus accompanied with actions.  And the irony is he was with his daughter and no one dared to oppose him.  When finally I decided to take an initiative and report the issue to the cops to my dismay the fact dawned on me that he himself was a cop (it’s a dream and things are not in my control).  And instead of being apologetic he jeered and threatened me of dire consequences.

And when my daughter tossed in bed and started crying calling out me my dream broke and I was completely aghast.  I kept thinking about it.

It was just a dream but it left me trembling.  What could be the reason?  I kept pondering over and over.  This is not just a dream but a harsh reality which women in India have to deal as a part of their lives.  Eve teasing, molestation, stalking, rape, acid attacks – an ugly side of a shining country.

When I say this, many would confront me saying that every country has its own set of problems then why magnify and present our motherland in a negative shade to the world.  There are many other countries where such atrocities are committed at an alarming rate, way higher than India but why only our country is projected before the world (remember the Nirbhaya case? world still remembers that) as an unsafe country for women?  That’s a point to be noted.  I have a counter argument – when we compare two countries we should always strive to reach higher possible position as far as positive attributes are concerned be it GDP, literacy, health or happiness index but it is utter nonsense to say that we are still behind many more other countries in crime rate and the current situation isn’t alarming.  We should strive to uproot it, make the count zero, period!

What is more saddening and astonishing:  If crime against women isn’t horrible enough the way our so-called “cultured” society treats the victim is repelling to the core.  One news of such mishap and the brigade of guardians of the society jumps in with their conclusion labelling the victim as the culprit.  And not to forget society includes women too making their stand unbelievable.  From her dress to her motive of stepping out of her house, everything is under scanner.  I vividly remember the interview of the lawyer defending rapists in the infamous “Nirbhaya” case.  He said ” if a pack of sweet  a meat is in front of dogs they will surely attack it” that made me feel gross.  How under the sun one can compare a girl to a pack of sweet meat.  The culprit is given a clean chit stating that the woman might have provoked such a cruelty at against herself.  Suddenly the terms like responsibility, decency, character are coined in reference to woman as they are the sole torch bearers of a morally good conduct.  In fact the elected leaders (not all) hold women responsible.  It’s pretty shameful.

I have a question:  As a woman I understand a line of decency (which is too thin) shall never be crossed be it dressing or behaviour and it holds good for both the genders.  In any case NO is a NO, any invasion is an indication of sick mentality of the culprit that needs an iron hand treatment.   As far as provocation point is concerned I fail to understand how a three years old girl child can provoke a thirty year old man, how provocatively a school student returning from school after independence day celebrations would be dressed, how provocatively a mentally challenged girl act to be target of a group of men who just wanted to have fun at the expense of that poor child.  Can the brigade answer me?  I am waiting.

Whom shall we blame?  When criminals move freely and the victim is being shamed mercilessly, it isn’t just a failure of law and order but our failure as a society.  When a girl reports about a stalker or an eve teaser the family tries to hush her up with a plain statement ” what would everyone say if they come to know about this incident” and the matter is brushed under the carpet.  Such fear instills fearlessness in the mind of criminals to go ahead and do something more grave in nature.  Why don’t they understand that crime should be nipped in bid is what makes me shudder.

As a mother of a girl child I simply fear at the thought would she be safe in her own country?  People may denounce me as a less patriot or even a traitor but I am sure that today every woman and a mother of a girl child have this fear looming in the corner of her mind “If her daughter is safe?”

I am not a feminist polarising genders and supporting women even if it is not meant to be but I surely vouch for true independence, freedom from fear of being beaten, violated and killed.   I want a safe haven for my kids and for everyone else.

Am I wrong in holding this thought?

 

CRUSH THAT WAS CRUSHED😦

Candles Online

Hi Everyone,

(Note: No character judgement please)

It was in the year 2000, I was in 10th class, an important stage in the school life of any Indian student.  The all important board examinations were awaiting me.  Rigorous studies, extra classes, tuitions and the 24*7 parents surveillance.  Huff😩.   And it was during that hectic period I saw him!   My first crush 😇.

There was a video game parlour just a few steps away from our home.  During summers when I was roaming in my balcony trying to memorize my lessons I saw him there with his friends. Oh my God! How handsome! Was looking at him and then suddenly out of nowhere he looked at me.  I stole the glance at once and pretended that I was busy with my books. Come on guys I felt shy😉.

And the trend of seeing each other, stealing glances  (me only…

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CHANGES IN LIFE – THY NAME IS MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD

Candles Online

Hi Everyone,

Change is permanent.

Got a new i-phone, proudly showcasing it but got to know that your friend got an upgraded model at revised (read lower) price, what a change? Everyday new, newer inventions and discoveries strive to change our lives.  So, change is here to stay and it’s everywhere.  Weather changes everyday, season changes quarterly, water in river changes every year, government changes every five years (if we are fortunate enough and no mid-term polls) and numerous examples to establish the fact “change is permanent”.

When change is mentioned in reference to human life one incidence that effects life of every soul irrespective of their social standing, caste or creed is the sacred institution of marriage and following that is parenthood.

Marriage changes life for both the parties involved.  As soon as a girl and boy gets married they have big changes awaiting them.  Now the words “my…

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MARRIAGE FOR YOU – A BOND OR BONDAGE?

Candles Online

Hello Everyone,

One of my friend recently sent me a message on WhatsApp defining “Oxymoron” which means a phrase where words of completely opposite meaning are brought together.  Example : Open Secret ( both the words are opposites), still used together.

One more example which made me laugh only to think later was “Happily Married”😉.  Well they simply don’t go together or at least this is how many stand up comedians think so ( marriage is most commonly touched upon topic by almost every stand up comedian whom I watched so far).  And I would like to talk about it today.

My question to all of you, married or otherwise:  Is marriage a Bond or a Bondage to you?  I hope there is no need to explain the difference.

My understanding :  Since every relationship demands compromises and sacrifices marriage isn’t different.  Marriage is a bond when…

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