Originally Posted on Candles Online
Crossing the realms of love and sacrifices that keep relationships alive and working, there is a highly guarded zone that we are not privy to – “Sometimes I am Unhappy”. Unhappiness crops from the fact that we are mentally not prepared to delegate or chuck down the pressures off our shoulders to prepare and keep them strong for responsibilities.
Over the years our brains have been fed with extremely wrong notions about how roles (as in relationships) should be carried out. And what rules the roost among such manipulated picklists is Sacrifice which more concisely mean “Stop caring for yourself”, “Never Complain”, “Speaking up, out & against strictly prohibited” and at the end of the day we frown and fall asleep with resentment.Over the years of observation and study, I have realized we often misuse the word “Sacrifice” in our lives. An instance: I sacrificed my last slice of pizza for the sake of my son and spent the whole night navigating through the Pizzahut brochure and drooling over the colorful images and not to mention that I mentioned my bravado act to my husband zillion times. Does my act count as Sacrifice? My understanding says No because sacrifice demands both detachment and satisfaction as a result. And in this case, both were missing. And this is how dissatisfied lives look like under the camouflage of sacrifice.
Am I suggesting selfishness? Please hold your horses We have this bad habit of polarising everything (if you have an interest in Indian politics you will understand this better ) There is always a midground for addressing the issues concerning our lives. If you are purchasing an unaffordable ticket to a Rockband concert that you love giving your child’s term fees a miss or ignoring your next month’s home loan EMI, that’s Selfish (you can add idiotic too). But instead of involving in such compulsive, impulsive, stupid acts you have arranged a karaoke night at your place with your friends and family or had a good cards game night. Now you are in a happy space even if you have given up on something you like and definitely sans rant “Maine kya kya nahi kiya iss Ghar ke liye par uff nahi kiya” (there’s nothing that I haven’t done for this house and never complained), ironically in a complaining tone. This is the realization that I am suggesting as this is the change I have discovered that I should go for – Stop Complaining, Start Living, and Loving. First things first we should stop tagging words like “sacrifice” at the drop of a hat; That word got a deeper connotation to it. These are the little adjustments we are making with many financial, situational, emotional constraints and forces in work. We in relationships mean us shouldering the responsibilities prioritizing others ahead of us, be it our kids, parents or partners, and so on. And in our exercise of keeping things afloat day in and day out we are somehow ignoring someone really important calling us from within, it’s our innate self only, demanding some moments of happiness and relaxation. And there’s nothing to feel guilty about it. If you can’t keep yourself happy you can’t do the same to your loved ones too. Let me give you a picture of the other side of my personality which I am unapologetic about – I am a very irritated person almost like a twilight beast as the Sunday evening approaches and if my kids don’t tuck into their beds by 8PM they see the worse in me. I simply hate Sunday evenings when they prolong, for I am waiting for my Monday week off following Sunday, in absence of which I might go insane and not to mention the heavy toll on my physical health. And my rude behavior that might come across as unruly, unexpected, and unacceptable on every account is simply an indication that I need my space to rejuvenate myself to carry off my responsibilities as a mother and a wife. If they need me, I need me too, isn’t it?
Suppress it, It will pent up: All of you must have attended history classes at some point of time in your life, isn’t it? What was the reason behind all the major revolutions in history marking major transitions for people, undoubtedly Suppression! Suppressed by the tyranny and injustice, an upsurge of strong emotions spearheaded the revolutions, quite bloody one in fact. Now let me tone down the scale of comparison and make it personal. What would happen if you suppress pain for a long time in your body, it will pent up and show itself as a disease, sometimes chronic and beyond repair. Our emotions aren’t different. The need to vent out our pent-up negative emotions/ frustrations (not directed towards people though) at regular intervals is of paramount importance and shouldn’t be a guilt-ridden exercise. There are days when we feel lethargic, we want to dress up, want to eat our favourite meal, catch up on our favourite series, grab that last piece of cake, and many more things where we usually put ourselves down the hierarchy of “whose needs or wants matter”. The point is simple – Everyone matters so do You!!
My call to you all – You have to be present there in good health – mentally, physically, and emotionally because cardboard cut-outs can’t give warmth to your loved ones. And yes they are not superhumans to know how you feel unless you express it. If sensitivity is alive well and good, if god forbid not then don’t be guilty of you are not a magic wand either!!!